


How They Fell In Love

by Fangodess



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:18:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11844738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangodess/pseuds/Fangodess
Summary: the path to connor and Jareds confession





	How They Fell In Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bazwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazwrites/gifts).



> This comes from a head canon from the amazing @transjared on tumblr (im also dedicating this to their ao3 account and you should go read their writing it is far superior to mine
> 
> https://transjared.tumblr.com/post/160984706056/ok-how-do-you-think-the-whole-confessing-feelings
> 
> here is a link to the post

Jared was only even ‘friends’ with him because Evan said to be nice. He still didn’t get why Evan was friends with the freak anyway. So, when he slammed himself down at Evan’s table and the freak was there he groaned audibly.  
“What’s phyco doing here?” Jared asked causing Connor to physically bristle.  
“Jared!” Evan shrieked.  
“No, its fine. He’s only saying that because he’s afraid you’ll like me more and leave him with no friends because we all know you’re the only one who would tolerate him,” Connor snarled.  
Jared froze, “Fuck you, freak,” Jared yelled, voice cracking, as he stormed out of the cafeteria dumping his food in the trash.  
***  
Time softened those insults instead they became more halfhearted jabs.   
Jared dropped himself down across from Connor in the library.  
“So where is park ranger? Or do you not keep track of your lover, emo lord?” he asked after sitting down.  
“Just friends,” is Connors only, halfhearted, reply, not even looking up from his book.  
“So, what are you reading?” Jared asks leaning into Connors personal space and looking at the book.  
Connor looked up with a slightly annoyed look as he tried to repress a smile, “Why do you care? It’s not like you ever read anything,” he said smirking.  
“Uhm, fuck you I read,” Jared replied.  
Connor snorted, “Yeah porn magazines and memes”  
“please if you have to read porn it defeats the purpose. Come on what are you reading?” Jared whined, “Ooo lord of the flies. I like lords.”  
“Not what it’s about,” Connor said snorting again.  
“well screw you. How would you know?” he leaned around and looked at the page, “You’re only on page 15.”  
“I’ve read it before,” Connor said.  
Jared threw himself back in the chair, “oh well of course your one of those people.”  
“Hey guys,” Evan sitting at the end of the table.  
***  
“Watch this,” Jared said to Connor one day in math.  
“What?” Connor said trying to look annoyed.  
“Just watch,” Jared said giggling as he rolled up a piece of paper and aimed it at the sub who hadn’t been paying attention.  
“Jared?” Connor said threateningly, “Don’t.”  
“watch me,” he said giggling and shooting the spitball.  
The teachers head shot up as soon as the spitball hit his book. Jared pressing himself against Connor and looking at his book, pretending he was helping him.  
“You are awful,” Connor said snickering.  
“rude,” he said pausing, “do you want to come play games or something?” Jared blurted out.  
Connor gasped, “Am I getting invited to The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman’s house.”  
“Shut up, never mind it was stupid anyway,” he mumbled sliding away from Connor.  
“Wait, no, sure. I’d love too,” Connor said.  
“okay cool,” Jared said, “I’ll meet you at your locker.”  
***  
Jared bounced, almost nervously, on his heels behind Connors locker door. When Connor shut the locker door Jared practically jumped on him, “You ready?” he asked.  
“Yeah, let’s go,” Connor said.  
Jared walked to his car feeling shaky when they get to the car Jared’s shaking hands causing him to drop the keys 3 times before he got them in the ignition.  
Connor reached out and touched Jared’s hand, “Dude are you okay?”   
“Yeah, I’m fine just a little shaky,” Jared said laughing feeling his entire body flush from where Connor was touching him. They drove the rest of the way to his house in silence.  
“so, what do you want to play?” Jared asked when they got to his basement.  
“Mario kart?” Connor asked.  
“Oh my god you’re such a nerd,” Jared said laughing.  
***  
The next day in English Connor leaned over touching their shoulders, “after this do you want to get out of here?”  
“Like cut?” Jared asked.  
“‘like cut?’” Connor said mocking him laughing, “you sound like such a dork. Of course, I mean cut,” he added rolling his eyes.  
“Wow emo fuck are you asking me to cut with you?” Jared asks.  
“did you just call me emo fuck? Offer receded,” Connor said.  
“wait no sure. I’ll cut with you,” Jared said.  
When the bell rang they, both snuck out the back giggling like idiots as they bumped hips.  
***  
They get high in the back of Connor’s car until school let out.  
“here let’s do this,” Jared said laughing.  
“what?” Connor asked.  
“were going to scare the shit out of Evan,” Jared said giggling.  
“dude you’re high,” Connor said giggling.  
“shhh, I’m fine,” Jared laughed, “Let’s go”  
He jumped out of the car and ran to hide behind the building. Connor followed laughing. They watched Evan walk out before jumping out.  
“Rah!” they screamed.  
Evan screamed collapsing to the ground causing Connor and Jared to double over laughing.  
“Dude are you okay?” Jared said shrill in between laughing.  
“Y…yeah,” Evan stuttered laughing slightly.  
“come on my dude lets walk home before Zoe figures out I’m high and rats on me,” Connor says throwing his arm over Jared’s shoulder.  
“what about your car?” Jared asked.  
“Zoe drove me. I think she wanted to be alone with Evan any way,” he said as they walked crookedly away.  
***  
Not everything is great. One-night Jared’s phone lights up around 1:30 in the morning. He picks up groggily.  
“Hello?” he said eyes to blurry without his glasses to see who it was.  
“I’m outside. Can you come out?” Connor said shortly.  
“Connor?” Jared asked.  
“Please,” it was said barely audibly his voice shaking.  
“Alright, I’m on my way,” Jared said hanging up to go get changed. It was the most he’d heard Connor speak in a week. He’d barely talked all week and he looked exhausted as if he hadn’t slept the entire week. So, with curiosity and worry for him that had built over the week he climbed exhaustedly out the window, clamoring into Connor’s car.  
“Hey,” Jared said.  
Connor just grunted in reply, entire body taunt with anger.  
Jared begins to reach out before retreating fearing he would only make it worse, “What happened?”  
Connor didn’t reply only tightening his grip on the steering wheel, face hardening.  
“Okay, sorry,” Jared said. They sat in tense silence until they pulled into the park. They drove through a giant arch way that read ‘Lincoln Park’. Connor got out and quickly strides, all ridged body and tension, towards the swings.  
“hey tall ass,” Jared said trying to mask his fear and worry with humor, “you may have the gift of long legs but not all of us do slow down.”  
Connor whipped around face contorting in anger. The look on Connors face made Jared stumble backwards eyes going wide.  
“Well fuck you Jared. The whole damn world doesn’t revolve around you so fuck you,” Connor said his voice cracking on the last two words. He crumbled to the ground, kneeling in the dirt, head in his hands, shoulders shaking.   
It took Jared a moment to realize Connor was sobbing. Jared kneeled next to him wrapping an arm around his shoulder, “hey, what happened?” he said softly.  
“they kicked me out again,” Connor said quietly.  
“What?” Jared asked shocked.  
“they kicked me out again. It happened a few days ago I just didn’t want to bother either of you but it fucking sucks, trying to live out of a car. I just want real food again, not the shitty 7-11 shit I get because it’s cheap. I’m sorry it’s so early and I don’t want to put you out I just want like milk and then I’ll be gone,” Connor said in a hurry.  
“Fuck that,” Jared said causing Connor to flinch, “I’m not letting you love out of your damn car. You can come live with me.”  
“no, I don’t need…” Connor started.  
“Connor for once in your life shut up and except help.”  
“Fine, but only because I’m tired of sleeping sitting up,” Connor said.  
***  
Connor stayed with Jared for another week before his mother finally convinced his dad to let him come home but it meant he had no phone and no car, he even had his bedroom door taken away. He wished he’d never left Jared’s.  
***  
Connor was walking down the hall when he was suddenly pulled aside. He prepared to punch the person before he registered it was Jared.  
“what the fuck Kleinman?” he growled.  
“shhhh!” Jared hissed looking around the corner, “when I tell you to jump out from behind the corner, like the day we scared Evan, when we got high in your car.”  
Connor rolled his eyes but watched Jared amused.   
“Now,” Jared yelled jumping out from behind the corner screaming.  
“Rah!” Connor yelled halfheartedly.  
Despite Jared’s nonthreatening demeanor and Connors lack of trying Zoe still screamed jumping about 2 feet in the air.  
***  
After lunch one-day Jared grabs Connor, “can we skip?”  
“I just got my car back. I have to play nice for the next month or they’ll take it again,” Connor said.  
“Yeah right, of course,” Jared said shoulders slumping, “I’ll see you later,” he said shooting finger guns before turning to walk away.  
“Wait,” Connor called after Jared grabbing his arm, “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jared said laughing dryly, “I mean look at me I’m always fine.”  
With that he disappears before Connor can say anything else. Connor can’t stop worrying for the rest of the day.  
***  
Jared comes back the next day brushing off any concern Connor expresses. Connor begs him to tell him. That’s the day Jared realizes he’s in love with Connor. It hits him like a fucking freight train.  
***  
Connors realization is less like a freight train and more like a giant snowball that had been slowly building and just one day picks him up and keeps on rolling tossing him around with it. It happens the day Jared cuts without him. He couldn’t even focus because he was afraid of what had possibly caused Jared to act like that and why was he so concerned anyway. And all the sudden it hits. Oh, shit I’m in love with him and the ball picks him up and just keeps going.  
***  
So, Jared pulls away. He doesn’t touch Connor, flinches when Connor tries to touch him, and makes jokes he hasn’t in months. He can see the betrayal in Connors face every time he makes one he knows isn’t okay, because they’ve talked about it because Connor trusted him enough to tell him what was too much and now all he was doing was destroying that trust.  
“Hey freak,” Jared says and tries not to flinch from the physical recoil and hurt in Connors eyes. Connors entire being seemed to retreat into himself and suddenly Jared can’t stop. He continues to make horrible jokes that he knows will hurt Connor until finally Connor just stands and walks away with a blank look. Jared doesn’t try to follow him.  
***  
Connor can’t stand it the suddenly hurtful comments Jared is hurling at him. He knows this is how it all started but he thought they had gotten better. That they had set boundaries as to what was and wasn’t okay. So why was Jared suddenly saying things that even seemed aimed to hurt him. What had Connor done?  
***  
Jared knows Connor is avoiding him, he doesn’t blame Connor for avoiding him after what he said and did. It doesn’t stop Jared from missing him. It doesn’t stop Jared from hating himself even more. It doesn’t fix anything.  
***  
They both go to ‘Lincoln Park’ more often, it’s a comfort to both of them, a reminder of the good memories. They never seem to catch each other at the same times though.  
***  
Then suddenly one day they do. Jared sees Connor first and is immediately defensive, he gets across the park in like 5 seconds flat. He’s on top of Connor before Connor even registers he’s there.  
“What the fuck Connor? Why the hell have you been ignoring me?” Jared growls.  
“why have I been ignoring you?” Connor practically screams, “You’ve been a complete asshole to me. You’ve been calling me things we agreed months ago that weren’t okay.”  
They continue screaming back and forth until finally Connor screams, “I trusted you, with everything. I told you so many things I wouldn’t tell anyone else and you just destroyed that trust. Why Jared? Don’t I at least deserve that? All I’m asking for is why you suddenly decided to be an asshole,” Connor is slowly shutting down.  
Jared’s near tears, eyes watering threatening to overflow, when he screams, voice cracking, “I don’t know how to fucking deal with how you make me feel!”  
Connor physically stumbles back at those words and all he can think is ‘fuck he hates me. Doesn’t he?’ but some part if him begs, begs, that maybe that means what he wants it to so he growls out through gritted teeth, “what does that even mean?”  
“I don’t know,” Jared says frantically grabbing fistfuls of hair and beginning to pace, “You make me feel… weird, and when you look at me I get uncomfortable and hot but I want you to keep looking. I... I like it when you notice me,” the last part is said almost silently as if he was afraid. After he says that it goes dead silent and Connor walks forward hesitant, afraid to scare Jared away, afraid to break the already thin balance they have.  
When he’s a breath away and their faces are almost touching Connor says, “you like when I notice you?”  
“yeah and I know its fuckin’ stupid, I know,” he says beginning to bark out a self-deprecating laugh before suddenly it is cut off. It takes him a minute to realize Connors hands are on his shoulders and his lips are pressed firmly against his and ‘oh this is nice’. Before he could even respond Connor has pulled away and he’s swiping his thumb over his lower lip, eyes darting everywhere but Jared.  
Suddenly Jared blurts out “I wanna do it again,” Jared honestly didn’t mean to say it out loud it. He guesses it’s the right choice when Connors pupils blow wide an all Jared can do is grin as Connors eyes seem to ask ‘you do?’. He grabs the back of Connors neck and pulls him back down to answer the unspoken question.

**Author's Note:**

> that was longer than expected and yet i still feel like i didnt develop it enough. hope you liked it


End file.
